truth...

parttwo:

i just got off the phone with brent...

sometimes i think it would be easier to lie to myself everyday... pretending that when i talk to him he is here in oside... and will be home at his usual time of the night after the days work...

but that wouldnt be any good, because at night, when he didnt come home it would be worse...

what is easier... sometimes i think that maybe it would be easier to not think for 7 months straight... to go through this part of our life as fast as possible... but then i have this sweet little boy... that when he sees and senses that i am a little sad because "daddys at work?"... that he so lovingly wraps his arms around me so tight and comforts me and looks into my eyes while asking in his sweet little voice, "mmmoooommmm?"... he is such a light in my life... how could i ask for more! he is so genuine in his kisses and in his hugs... how, at only two years old is he helping to take care of me... he reminds me that our Father in Heaven loves us so much! that although we may go through tough times and sad times... that we chose to come here... that we chose to feel the pain and sorrow... that we may know the good from the bad...

therefore...

i am so happy to FEEL...

i am so thankful this morning to be able to feel the pain of separation... the pain of loving someone so badly that it hurts... i thank my Heavenly Father for giving us this chance to have our agency to come here to earth and FEEL.

makes me think and maybe understand a little, how He feels about us...

it reminds me that He gave us life for us to find happiness and joy... "men might be; and men are, that they might have joy" (2 Nephi 2:25)

it may hurt... but at least i can know it... it being love...

and although i may not be able to capture it in words... i can feel it...

ps(something many may not know... probably only brent knows... i have for sometime tried to capture love in words... i love to free write... and try to, with words, describe this emotion... someday i will get it perfectly...)

pss(i love to express my feelings here and actually post them... it helps me to understand myself better... but then right before clicking "publish post" i have a moment of... no one wants to read this reality... this sappiness... this truth... my thoughts... my inhibitions... my weaknesses... then i remember... this blog is for me and my family... no one has to read it... this is my blog... for me... so think what you may... i am going to where my heart on my sleeve as much as i want)